My Stupid Venomous Spurs
by Boolia
Summary: When Perry's venomous spurs poisons Dr. D and Phineas, he feels awful about it. Feeling that their lives would be better without him, he decides to run away from his family and quit the agency. Can MM convince him to stay? Will  Phineas and Dr. D recover?
1. Part 1

My Stupid Venomous Spurs

Part 1

It all happened so fast. First my owner Phineas, along with his stepbrother, was helping me take a bath and the next minute I know Phineas was on the floor, yelling in intense pain. His mom coming to his side and comforting him. I felt extremely guilty. It's all because of me. It was an accident. I never meant for my venomous spur to kick in. I never meant to hurt him. And now he was in pain…all because of me and the stupid venomous spur on my foot.

Earlier

I went down to my secret headquarters. I sat in my chair and turned on the monitor.

"Morning Agent P," Monogram greeted me. "Dr. Doofenshmirtz just bought stuff for his new 'inator down at the store. Go and see what's he up to and then stop him." The monitor shut off and I went to my hover car.

When I got there, my nemesis was putting the final touches on his latest inator, a laser-like machine. He looked up at me.

"Oh, hey Perry the Platypus!" He said. "I'm all done with my machine now and I have a present for you." He went to the coffee table the center of the spacious lounge, picked up a bucket and went to me. Uh-oh, this doesn't look good, I was worried, no doubt this was another trap.

"_SURPRISE_!" He dumped the bucket on me. Mud fell all over me, from head to tail. He laughed as he watched me struggle to get free to no avail. The mud was like glue that cemented me to the floor. I couldn't move.

"Looks like you just found yourself in a 'sticky' situation." He laughed uproariously at his lame joke, for a good ten minutes. He went back to his machine.

"This, Perry the Platypus is a Destroy-Everything-that-Begins-with-the-letter-P-inator!" I gulped. _Perry_ begins with P along with platypus, And _Phineas;_ Phineas begins with the letter P! I can't believe this; he was going to destroy my owner!

_"Backstory time_! Earlier this morning I was doing today's crosswords while on break, thinking of today's scheme. It was on words that began with the letter P; you know, peanuts, platypus, pink, stuff like that. I was doing it outside on my lawn chair out on the balcony. But I couldn't concentrate because my neighbor, Pedro, who ironically _also_ begins with the letter P, was vacuuming his apartment. I tried to yell to turn it down but he couldn't hear me over the loud notice, that and he was wearing headphones. No matter how much I shouted he couldn't hear me. So that's when I came up with my newest inator. Why not destroy _everything_ that begins with the letter P, and get this Perry the Platypus? _I just realized— Your name _begins with the letter P, so it'll destroy you too! Kill two birds with one stone that's what I say. It's _brilliant!"_ He laughed his insane laugh again.

I struggled again. I couldn't let him _do_ this! I couldn't let him destroy my owner, myself, Pedro and others that begin with the letter P when they had nothing to do with him! He must be stopped!

I found all of my strength. I got my feet out of the mud and ran at my nemesis at top speed.

_"Oops_, got to turn it on." His finger went to the button. He pressed it, and an ominous hum began. I kicked him hard. He flipped and landed on the floor. I quickly pushed the 'off' button before it could do more damage.

_"OW,_ Perry the Platypus, that really _hurts_!" Then he screamed a bloodcurdling cry. My eyes widened. What just _happened_? Did I kick him too hard?

"Oh, the _pain!"_ He wailed. "It _hurts_!" I walked to him. I was about to comfort him when he backed away from me.

"No, Perry the Platypus, whatever you do, stay _AWAY_ from me!" I stopped, seeing the horror in his eyes. What the heck is happening? I never had seen the doctor _this_ afraid of me before.

"Oh, Perry the Platypus, I'm feeling extreme pain right now. Maybe you should leave. _OW, OW, OW_!" I hesitated. "Now, Perry the Platypus! _OW_, Norm! Call 911!_ Hmmm, _maybe instead of a Destroy-Everything-that Begins-with-the-Letter-P-inator, I should've made Destroy-Everything-I-Want-that-Begins-with-the-Letter-P-intor. _OW_!" I went to my hover car after I kicked the inator making it break and as soon as I was sure Norm had called paramedics. As I flew home, I was still wondering what had just happened.

"Oh, there you are, Perry." Phineas said as soon as he saw me in pet mode. I chattered. I could see their giant bouncing pogo sticks with jets that they raced all over Danville had disappeared. He then smelled me and plugged his nose along with Ferb and their friends _"EW_, what _is_ that?" Ferb shrugged.

_"Jeet_!" Buford told him. "Its _you_, isn't it?"

"No, it's not." He said. Buford elbowed him.

_"OW_CH! I told you it _not _me!"

"I know. That doesn't mean I can't still elbow you though." He elbowed him again.

_"OWCH_!" He rubbed his shoulder.

_"MOM! MOM_!" I heard Candace's cry. She dragged her mom to the backyard. _"See_? Giant bouncing pogo sticks with jets! What did I tell you?" The mom sighed.

"And again I see nothing." Candace turned and screamed.

"Hey boys, where are your pogo sticks?" The boys shrugged. Phineas unplugged his nose to answer.

"We don't know Mom." Phineas admitted. "Apparently, we're done for the day." He replugged his nose.

They then smelled my odor and plugged their noses.

_"EW!_ That's _foul!"_ Candace said then noticed the stench was coming from me. "Perry, _PEE-YEW!_ You stink!" I chattered again.

"You boys give him a bath as I cook dinner." Linda told them. "I don't want Perry to stink up the house." She went inside. Candace quickly followed behind.

"Well boy," Phineas told me. "It looks like it's time for a bath. Come on then, this'll be fun!" I followed him inside along with his brother after they said good-bye to their friends.

_"Okay boy_," Phineas said to me once he and Ferb got my bath ready for me. "Hop in!" I hopped in, splashing water everywhere. Phineas laughed. Ferb then came with the bubble soap. Phineas looked up.

"Good idea Ferb!" He said. "A bath is nothing without bubbles!" Ferb dumped in the bubble soap. He then gave Phineas something. I looked at it. It was Mr. Squeaks my favorite duck toy Phineas and Ferb gave me the day they adopted me. His name is Mr. Squeaks because he squeaks when squeezed instead of quacking. My family was going to replace it with a duck that quacks but I refused parting with it. I loved it no matter what noise it made, a toy is a still a toy. So they let me keep it. But he's long since gone missing; it's been a long time since I'd seen it last. As time went on, I never thought I'd see him again.

"_Mr. Squeaks!"_ Phineas piped up and grabbed it. "Where did you find him?" Before Ferb could answer, Phineas showed it to me.

_"Look Perry_! You remember Mr. Squeaks, right? _Gosh,_ it's been _ages_ since he's been missing. Well, enjoy pal." He placed the toy duck beside me.

_"Okay_," He said. "Enough dilly dallyin'. Let's get you squeaky clean!" He began to clean me by rubbing soap over my head. Bubbles came up. The bubbles kept popping when they landed on Phineas' nose. The boy laughed.

"Sorry that my nose is so pointy. I can't help it..." I didn't care through. I liked spending times like this with my owners. I could see my distorted reflection rising in the bubbles, it made me happy. Two more bubbles with my owners' reflections rose too. Phineas smiled.

"Look at that, pal. Isn't that something?" I sighed heavenly as I gazed at them. It sure is, Phineas. It sure is.

Phineas then took my foot.

"We got to be careful when cleaning your feet." He told me. "When we were at the Danville Museum last week, we saw a documentary on platypuses. It mentioned platypus venom in the spurs. It's super powerful to kill small animals and gives humans extreme pain. There." He was now done.

What? There are _poisonous spurs_ on my hind limbs? Why wasn't I aware of this? I have been alive all this time and I didn't even know about my spurs? Why haven't Mom and Dad taught me this? I have kicked Doofenshmirtz plenty times before and Percival, so why haven't I poisoned them a long time ago? Why did the venom suddenly kick in today? I was so confused.

"Now, you wouldn't harm us, would you Perry? Would you?" He then began to tickle me. "_Huh_, would you!" I kicked my feet as he tickled me. I felt my talons brush his palm a tiny bit. He stopped.

"No, you're a good platypus. Now come on, let's go have dinner." He went to drain the water.

Suddenly his eyes got really huge and just like Doofensmirtz let out a bloodcurdling scream. He fell on the floor. I stood on all fours. My eyes grew wide in horror as I watched my owner scream in constant pain.

"Get mom Ferb!" Phineas shouted. "_Get mom! Oh_, the pain! It _hurts!"_

"_MUM_!" Ferb called. "Mum, Phineas' hurt!" Their mom and Candace opened the door and gasped.

_"LAWRENCE_!" Linda shirked. "Come upstairs, quick! It's a family emergency!" I watched as Phineas' mom cradled his head in her arms.

"There, there, baby." She comforted him.

"Mom, it hurts, it really _hurts!"_

"I know dear. It'll be okay." She kissed his forehead. "It'll be okay." Lawrence then opened the door.

"What's going on up here, then?" He asked. He then noticed Phineas in Linda's arms. "_Oh, oh my_." He came by his wife with Candace. "How did this _happen?_" They all then looked at me.

I didn't know what to do. I poisoned Phineas and he was now lying in his mother's arms in extreme pain and it's all because of me.


	2. Part 2

Part 2

"_Perry_!" Candace shouted. I hopped out of the tub, shook myself off and went by my owner's side. _"Careful_! He might strike again at any moment." Phineas looked at me.

"It's not your fault, pal." He told me.

"_What_?" Candace asked, surprised. "Of course it is! It's his entire fault. Him and his venomous spurs. I told you owning a platypus was a stupid idea. Phineas, you are now poisoned because of him." Her words hurt. I never felt so guilty before.

"_Now Candace,"_ Linda scolded her. "That's not a nice way to talk about Perry."

"But it's _true_ mom!" Candace protested. "You all heard what the documentary said! Male platypuses have vemonous spurs in their hind legs that'll kill small animals and, uh… I kind of fell asleep right then so I don't know what it'll do to humans, probably kill them. So, Perry's a murderer! We got to get him out of the house before he jabs his poisonous spur at us!"

"Relax Candace. Phineas' fine. He's not going to die."

_"But…but_…"

"If you listened more, the movie also said that it gives humans _intense_ _pain!_ It doesn't kill them. Although we should call the ambulance." She looked at her husband. "Lawrence, call 911."

_"I'm on it!"_ Lawrence exited the bathroom.

"And in the meantime," Linda told Ferb and Candace. "I'll stay here until paramedics arrive. You two can go off and do whatever you'd like."

"I'm already on it!" Candace said. She zoomed out of the room in a flash. Ferb stayed behind.

"It's alright Ferb." His mom reassured him. " Your stepbrother will be fine. I got this. Just go and play or something." Ferb shook his head.

"I want to stay mum." He told her. Linda smiled.

"You're a good stepbrother Ferb." Linda said.

"Ferb is the _best_ stepbrother _ever!"_ Phineas croaked. "Always having my back. I would've done the same for him. _OW_!" Linda consoled him again.

"It'll be alright. The paramedics are coming soon."

"Mom, we're not getting rid of Perry are we?"

"I don't know. We'll see what the doctor thinks."

"I don't want him to go mom."

"I know you don't. We'll do what we can."

I watched as my owner twitch in pain again. I then strolled out of the room. I didn't want to see this.

"Tell me Stacy," I heard Candace say. I strolled near her room and eavesdropped on her conversation with Stacy on the phone. "Was I right or was I right?" She listened for a few seconds. "About Perry. You see, when we got him when I was ten, I remember saying to my mom "Shouldn't we learn more about platypuses before we get one'? And you know Stac, I was _right_! We shouldn't have gotten him because apparently male platypuses have venomous spurs that can kill humans and animals." She listened a few more seconds. "Intense pain, _whatever!_ The point is he's a threat. Phineas got _poisoned_ because of him. I wanted a bunny or a cat but _no_, we had to buy a platypus, a _boy _platypus!" She listened some more. I felt awful for every offensive thing she said about me.

"No, _Stacy!_ This isn't like a sitcom where people overhear other people talking smack about them, making them feel bad." She then noticed me I was trying to overcome my upcoming tears. "Stac, got to go! I think if this _was _a sitcom, a laugh track would give out a sympathetic '_Awwwwwww'_ right now." She hung up and looked at me.

"No Perry!" She started. "I didn't really mean it. I…" I ran off. "_PERRY!"_

I ran to the shady tree, laid down and cried. I heard the ambulance pull up. The siren shut off.

I cried until I saw the paramedics carrying Phineas on a streatcher and place him in the back. Linda jumped inside so she could be with her son. I stood up. The paramedics then closed the door when done, got in and drove off. The siren started blaring again as it drove off.

The rest of the family got in Lawrence's car and drove off, following the ambulence.

I chased after them.

As I saw them place Phineas in his hospital bed, I leapt in the window.

"_Perry_!" Phineas said, then twitched in pain. I chattered in a concern manner. "It's okay Perry, I'll be fine." He twitched in pain again.

"Sorry kid," the doctor said. "But no pets allowed."

"It's okay, he won't do any harm."

"Kid, if I'm not mistaken, he's the _reason_ why you're here!"

"But it was an _accident._ How can you be so heartless? He just wants to see me is all. Didn't you have a pet that wanted to see you when you were in the hospital? Well, maybe not in the hospital in general, but that just wanted to be loved?"

The doctor hesitated and had tears in his eyes as if he remembered something painful from his past.

"Buddy!" He cried in a low voice.

"What?" The doctor looked angry again.

"Kid, he's _NOT_ staying in here! _SECURITY_!" The security came rushing in. The doctor pointed to me.

"I want that platypus out of this room and _out_ of this hospital!" They all came after me. I ran as they chased me around the room.

"_Wait, wait_!" Linda shouted, stopping them. I stopped and looked up at her. _"I'll_ take him out."

"What is that _racket_?" I heard a familiar voice ask from the other bed. I froze as I saw Dr. D peering from his bed.

"Sorry Heinz," The doctor told him. "Linda was just taking this rodent outside, right Mrs. Flynn-Fletcher?"

"_Right, right_!" Linda said. "Come on Perry." She took me to the door. I saw Ferb tug on the doctor's sleeve. The doctor looked down at him.

"For the record," He began. "He's a monotreme." He then left with us out of the room.

Linda put me down once we were outside the hospital. The rest of the family came with. I looked up at her.

"Sorry Perry." She explained. "No platypuses allowed. This is for your own good I guess." I watched sadly as I saw them enter the hospital. I now knew how Snoppy felt when he couldn't visit that girl when she was hospitalized.

Days went by and Phineas was still in the hospital, along with Dr. D.

I ran to the window and looked in on my hind legs. I saw Linda kissing Phineas on the forehead.

"We'll see you tomorrow." She told him.

"Okay mom." Phineas said. "Love you." They then left the room as I saw the doctors come in with some pills for him.

I sighed as I looked down. I can't go back home. Candace doesn't want me anymore and frankly I don't blame her. I'm a monster. I shouldn't be living with _any_ humans!

In fact, I shouldn't even be an agent at the OWCA. True, my spurs could be useful for my enemies, but I don't want to put them in the same situation as Phineas and Dr. Doofenshmirz. I was too good-natured to do that.

Even though it dreaded me to do this, I must turn in my hat. I must quit the OWCA forever.

I began my sad stroll to the OWCA.

I wanted to say goodbye to Major Monogram and Carl, but I didn't see them when I turned on the monitor or in the entire agency. I wondered where they could be and for how long they would be out. I didn't have time to stick around. The sooner that I'm not with humans anymore, the better.

I put my hat away and all of my other agent things. Before I left, I looked around one last time.

I went to my house to pack away the things I needed. I packed fish and worms. I also packed Mr. Squeaks. I even packed away a picture frame of the whole family, me included. I fought back tears the whole time.

Before I left, I looked back one last time and sighed. I'm sure going to miss them, especially Phineas and Ferb. I left the house.

I decided to visit Phineas at the hospital one last time. I went under Phineas' windows and looked in. He was sound asleep. His pills were beside him on the end table.

"_Agent P_?" I heard a familiar voice ask. "Agent P, is that you?" I looked behind me. It was Major Monogram. He wore a track shirt and wore a headband. Carl ran beside him then He, too, had a tracksuit on and a headband. He was out of breath. He took out his water bottle and drank some.

"Why are you here?" He wanted to know. I looked in Phineas' window. He looked in with me. "Oh, your owner is in the hospital? That's too bad."

"Looks like Dr. Doofenshmirz is Phineas' room partner." Carl said.

"_What_?" Major Monogram questioned. He looked in Dr. Doofenshmirz's window with Carl. "Well, that's a shame. Maybe one of his inators injured him or something." He looked at me. "Looks like you have time off from your nemesis a while Agent P. We'll contact you as soon as he returns. See you Agent P." I shook my head sadly. Both Monogram and Carl were shocked.

"_What_?" They asked at the same time.

"Agent P, what do you mean?" Monogram wanted to know. "You aren't thinking of quitting the agency, right?" I shook my head again.

"_What_?" They asked again.

"But _why_?" Carl asked. Monogram went to me and bent down.

"Is something bothering you Agent P? Why are you quitting?" My boss wanted to know. I glanced at Phineas and Doofenshmirtz. Monogram looked confused.

"You're quitting because Phineas and Doofenshmirtz are in the hospital?" I nodded. He laughed.

"Oh Agent P. They'll be better. You don't have to quit unless you had something to do with why they are hospitalized." I nodded. Carl and Monogram were shocked again.

"You _did_? That seems unlikely. What did you do?"

"_Um sir_," Carl piped up. "Maybe we should have this discussion at headquarters so we can give Agent P like a notepad or something so we can understand him."

"That's a good idea Carl. Glad I thought of it."

"Yes you…_hey_!"

"Well, we had five more blocks to go in our exercise, but I suppose we could end early."

"_Goodie!_" Carl panted. "Because…I'm _exhausted_." He drank more of his water. I don't think I can do any more."

"We're just have to make up for it tomorrow."

"_What?_!"

"Carl, quit complaining! If anyone should be complaining, it should be me."

"Yes sir."

"Okay, come on Agent P. Let's get this mess sorted out." We went to headquarters.

"Okay Agent P." My boss said to me once we were in HQ. I had a notepad and a pencil in my hand and was sitting in a chair. "Tell us what's on your mind. But please write big. I'm old and my vision isn't what it used to."

I wrote in my notepad nice and big. I showed it to him and Carl when done. They looked at it and gasped.

"You're quitting because you poisoned Dr. D and your owner with the spurs on your feet?" The major wanted to know. "I never knew you had venom in your hind legs, Agent P."

"I could've told you sir." Carl told him. We looked at him.

"You _knew_ Carl?"

"I learned it from my college trip to Australia when we went to the zoo from a zoo expert when we saw the platypuses."

"And you didn't bother telling me this info?"

"I tried sir. But when I talk about my trips, you don't want to hear it."

"That's because you ramble on and on about them. You never stop once you get into it."

"I am a rambler when it comes to certain things I must admit, aren't I?"

"Yes, yes you are."

"But I can't help it sir. You see, you're right, when I get into talking about something I enjoy, I can't seem to stop. You see, it all started when I was six at Show and Tell…" Major Monogram sighed and rolled his eyes.

"_Rambling_ again Carl!"

"Oh, sorry sir."

"Now where were we? Ah, now I remember! Hey, where's Agent P?"

He's leaving sir." I heard Carl pipe up.

"What? Hold on Agent P! You don't really want to do this, do you?" I froze. "You don't really want to leave the greatest job you're ever have, me and ?"

"What about me sir?"

"And you don't want to leave your family? Do you? Not when there're like this." I sighed sadly and began to walk away again. I have to.

"Agent P, you don't have to do this." I continued on walking. He stopped me, bent down and held my shoulders.

"You're the greatest pet and agent I ever seen and you're giving that up because of your venomous spurs?" I sadly looked at him and nodded.

"You belong to a loving family that loves you. You don't want to give that up. I know you just want to protect them but leaving because you feel you have to isn't the answer. _Stay!_ Your family needs you, Dr. Doofenshmirz needs you, _I_ need you!"

"Um, _hello_?" Carl butted in. "What about _me_? He needs me too!"

"Shut it Carl! Don't ruin the moment." He looked back at me.

"Forget about your spurs, Agent P. They need you."

I hesitated for a moment and decided he was right. I hugged my boss.

"That's the spirit Agent P!" He stood back up. "Go to your family. We're contact you when Dr. D is well and back to doing evil." I smiled and begun to leave when someone cleared his throat. I turned around. It was Carl.

"Forgetting someone Agent P?" I smiled and hugged him. "I knew you wouldn't forget about me." I then left HQ.

I peered around the fence and saw Phineas, Ferb and Candace. I smiled. Good, Phineas was well again. Phineas was pacing around. Ferb sat under the tree and Candace stood by her brothers. Phineas had something in his hand like a hypodermic needle.

"_Hmm_…I wonder where Perry is. I wanted to give him something but looks like now I have to wait until he returns." Candace looked guilty.

"It's _my_ fault he ran away!" She told them. They looked at her.

"_What_? Perry ran away? Why would he do that?"

"Look, earlier this week, he overheard me saying some nasty things about him, like saying that we shouldn't have adopted him and stuff."

"Why would you say that?"

"Because I thought by Perry leaving, I would protect this family."

"So, you made him feel bad about himself like a sitcom?"

_"Yes! _It was _exactly_ like a sitcom only without the laugh track. Look Phineas, Ferb, I'm really sorry. Can you forgive me?" The brothers looked at each other.

"What do you say Ferb? Should we?" Ferb shrugged.

"Well she did admit she was sorry and she is our sister." He pointed out. Phineas looked back at his sister and smiled.

"Sure we forgive you." Candace beamed.

"Thanks guys."

"However, this doesn't get Perry back. How could you do something so heartless?"

"I know what I did was wrong and I'm sorr…"

"We don't have time for your second apology. We have to find him." He looked around. "Perry, here boy! Are you out there? If you're out there, give us a sign by coming to us! Perry!"

I decided to have them worry no more. I strolled out in view and chattered.

"Oh, there you are Perry." Phineas said once he noticed me. His brother and sister noticed me too and all three raced towards me.

_"PERRY_!" Phineas said, excitedly. He picked me up and hugged me. "Gosh, I feel 100% better now knowing that our favorite platypus is still with us!" He set me back down on the grass.

"Guess what Perry! I don't feel pain anymore. The doctor cured me. Isn't that great?"

I felt happy that my owner was back on his two feet again, but that didn't wipe away my fear. I still had poisonous spurs on my feet that were just waiting to strike again if I wasn't careful. No matter what Monogram said about forgetting about them and staying with my family, I just can't. I can't take that risk. Phineas's tone dropped when he noticed my sad expression.

"What's wrong Perry; why so down in the dumps?" He then snapped his fingers. "I know what you need!" He reached into his pocket and pulled out the hypodermic needle. I looked at it

"Ferb created this baby when I was in the hospital. It looks like a shot like you get at vet, but it's not your average shot. No, what this baby does is that it sucks all the venom right out of you. He tested it out on a poisonous snake and a squirrel and it worked, the squirrel wasn't poisoned! You can live with us without ever worrying about harming me or any one if us ever again. But we don't want to give this to you without your approval, so do you want to give up the venom in your spurs and live with us? If not, mom says you have to leave."

It didn't take me long to decide. I decided to take it. True, my spurs might be helpful one day, but my family's much more important. I went near the shot to show my owner what I decided on. Phineas smiled and petted me.

"Okay then, it's decided."

While my owners were getting the shot ready, Candace bent down to me. I looked at her.

"Perry," She started. "Forget what I said about you being a threat and saying that we shouldn't have adopted you. That's not true. We're glad to have you as part of our family. You're an awesome pet no matter what other people might think." She smiled and petted me. "I love you Perry like my brothers do and always will." I smiled, fighting back a tear filled with joy.

"Okay Perry!" Phineas told me. "Ready when you are!" I strolled on over to my owners. Ferb picked me up as Phineas gave me the shot in both of my feet.

Afterwards, my owners and I played. We toppled onto each other and my owners laughed. We all were having a good time.

Suddenly, my eyes widened as I felt my talons brushing against Phineas. Oh no, not this again!

But I was surprised when I didn't hear Phineas yell in pain. Instead, he just smiled.

"See? I'm perfectly fine, nothing to worry about!" I smiled. The shot worked! We continued on playing for the rest of the afternoon.

I felt happy. I could keep my job, my nemesis, my friends, but most importantly, I could keep my family without having to worry about my spurs ever again.


End file.
